I'm reminded of Samwise Gamgee when he returned home after seeing Frodo and Gandalf off at the end of the Lord of the Rings.
"Well, I'm home."
Some things had changed. Mostly, things at home had stayed the same. But he had changed forever.
Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Leaving was ridiculous. I've never been that stressed out in my life. Selling everything in my apartment, while packing and continuously re-packing my suitcases and paring down my belongings and simultaneously giving final assessments, packing my classroom, and preparing my files for the next teacher. Taking care of my final bills, closing my bank account, and prepping the apartment for handover. All the while, fears and paranoia my constant companions. Fear of losing part of my gratuity because the facility manager hadn't done something. Fear of not being able to cash my check, not being able to transfer the money at the transfer office, of being stopped at the airport and forbidden to leave because I was missing an important document or something.
I had pushed off the goodbyes and tears until the last minute and had informed my students I was leaving, but it wasn't real until the last day of school. And then the tears just started flowing and wouldn't stop. I wasn't prepared for the cry of sadness that went across the auditorium when I stood with the other departing teachers and our leaving was announced. One of my students was so distraught that she had to be taken off the floor. I wasn't prepared for that, when she hugged me and looked up with her little tear filled eyes just so sad. And then they all started coming up and hugging me and saying goodbye, just these ocean of little sad faces. Man, I was a mess. I took a moment to flee the building and drive back to the hotel to get something. Saying goodbye to my friends was just as hard. We'd become a family, a support group, and close knit team. Virtually everyone I came to Dubai with was departing with me to different ends of the earth, save three people who will continue on in Dubai for awhile. They each took a little piece of my heart with them.
I felt like an alien for my first two weeks home. The first couple of days were rough. It felt like someone had switched the lenses in my glasses, everything was fuzzy. It also felt like it was in hypercolor; I was so used to a brown landscape and all of sudden my field of vision was filled with color like Dorothy going from Kansas to Oz. Hearing everyone speak English in American accents just seemed to flood my ears. Eventually, as I hung out with friends doing the usual things like gaming, movies, and tubing, I began to feel more acclimated. It's going to take awhile, though. There are things I miss about being overseas, but I don't regret coming home. It was time.
Since I have been home, I've been searching high and low for a job teaching. I had known that Philly had laid off tons of teaching staff, but I hadn't know that the Archdiocese had done the same. Along with the tons of new teachers that graduate every May from the local universities, this area is saturated with teachers looking for work. I have had over six interviews, for which I am very grateful. To this date, I have accepted a part time position teaching ESL at one school and also signed up with a substituting agency. I am still interviewing, with the hope that a full time position will become available. Until then, I am very thankful for what I have available. The part time position is at a very nice school although the pay is rock bottom. The staff have been lovely; I really hope that position turns into a more lucrative opportunity. Until then, my theme song is "So I apply, so I apply, so I apply!"
I've never been without a job. It's scary and frustrating. I've been very depressed these last two weeks. It weighs heavy on my shoulders this feeling of shiftlessness. None of the positions I have interviewed for offer any kind of benefits. One of them doesn't even take taxes out. Still in this economy with the shortage of teaching positions and overabundance of teachers I am lucky to have found what I did. I am thinking of applying to other states next May, and I don't rule out the possibility of going overseas again though I recoil a bit at the thought of more airports and planes. Still, I am sure that I did the right thing because of the quality time I have been able to spend with friends and family. I've gotten to hang out with my little niece and see my older niece as well as my aunt and cousins. So I trundle along, applying and seeking out opportunity.
If opportunity comes a-knockin', she'd better be holding a steady paycheck, benefits, and a beer.
